London Gazette

 

Angel Falls from Sky to Thwart Dept Robbery

September 20, 1885 ·

Angel Corps recruit Sarah Bittern, 19, unmarried, leapt from a damaged airship last night in an heroic effort to capture a robber fleeing the former offices of the Department for the Advancement of Sciences.

Ms. Bittern, who was patrolling the area aboard the HMD Desiderata, continued to chase the man first via motor glider and then on foot, after the Desiderata ploughed into an unlicensed wireless tower.  The ship’s captain, Ms. Hildebrandt Beam, 41, widowed, was injured in the resulting crash.  According to her shipmates, Ms. Bittern immediately picked up the chase in one of the ship’s emergency exit craft.

The thief was identified as Linnaeus Kite, 34, a well-known distributor of pamphlets on the specious subject of aether sciences.  As of this writing, it is unclear as to the contents of the crate, which Kite snuck out of the research facility after impersonating a mover.  He has been detained, authorities say, indefinitely.

Hawk-eyed witnesses  noted the crate was designated ‘Chamberlain BCV6 – Liverpool.’  This prompts us to ask – who is Chamberlain, and what is going on in Liverpool?

“We’re all very proud of Bittern,” said PVT Amanda Bloom, 22, unmarried, “She showed great initiative and quick thinking in her efforts to protect the property of the Queen – even if it was a stupid move.”

She said the life preserving motor gliders on ships like Desiderata are not meant to be used in a high speed chase.

Gazette reporters were able to obtain an exclusive interview with Cpt. Beam as she recuperated in hospital.  She denied any knowledge of the new location of the Advancement of Sciences office, which was suddenly closed Wednesday and has been largely emptied.

“We aren’t on that assignment – but I hope whoever is, they’ve got a Bittern or two on their team,” said Beam, who is expected to recover speedily.  “Her Majesty’s vital research has no place in the hands of thieves and quacks!”

The owner of the wireless tower was fined 20 pounds and ordered to remove the obstruction.

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