London Gazette

 

Angel Corps To Arrive At New Kendal Base

August 1, 1910 ·

Her Majesty’s Angel Corps Squadron are returning to the Kendal airship base after travelling around the world on a mission to protect the world-famous Hodgson’s Indian Pale Ale from dastardly sky pirates.

The popular IPA recipe was said to have been changed by one of the factory’s automatons, who fell into a bath of the alcohol and was said to have ‘started thinking’ after he was fixed. While the automaton apparently altered the brew without the awareness of its manager, Mr Hodgson, some say this may have saved his dying business. However, Mr Hodgson – claimed he didn’t realise this automaton had the ability to think – refused to supply further comment on this strange machine.

The all-female squadron visited Kendal last year to see the progress on their new airship base, however they left a rather bitter impression on the local bars and their patrons after a series of fights broke out due to comments made by allegedly sexist barmen and customers. Hopefully the townspeople won’t mind the Angels returning – especially as they have chosen our lovely town as their base.

Report by Thomas Dodd (The Lakes Correspondent).

In category:
Newer Post

THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT

Residents of Kendal have reported hearing a low continuous hum between 6-9pm every night. Local butcher Samuel O’Flynn says the noise, which he hears while closing for the day, could “clearly be the works of those new Clockworks”, however the…
Read
Older Post

Tinku Ranbir In Despair At Being In London

When guests were invited to the Queen’s House for a Summer Fete in August, many didn’t realise they were going to get a firsthand insight into the personal, and what seems tragic, world of the Ranbir Family, who are current…
Read
Random Post

Queen's House Hosts Summer Fete

On August 3rd, the Queen’s House presented a Summer fete at Her Majesty’s Greenwich residence. The event was part of an exhibition to showcase many of the inventions created to win the Longitude Prize. Guests were welcomed to the house…
Read
Random Post

Letter From A Correspondent, Undated.

The sun is setting over a panorama of dusky masjid towers, and the dust of the immeasurable Sahara lends the sky above a similar hue to the ground beneath. All is sand. Lest I run the risk of forgetting that…
Read
Random Post

Hodgson's Beer Shipment Hijacked

Pirates have hijacked several shipments of Hodgson's "Indian Pale Ale" en route to Asia. It is not known where the incident took place, nor whether it was by sky or sea piracy. The drink, favoured by expatriates and locals around…
Read
Random Post

Govt Lying To Public Over Clock Project

Government scientists have been accused of lying to the public over the the scope of the Clockwork Project by someone claiming to be in the possession of the lost Clockwork prototype. In a series of leaked documents sent to us…
Read

Comment on this

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You might have left one of the fields blank or be posting too quickly.

Thanks for your comment. We appreciate your response. Reload the page to see your comment.

Please wait a while before posting your next comment.

You are the first to comment!